SimplyKirah

At the moment,

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 20:52:16 -0400

I spend my days waiting for the end. I wake up and think “just college today, then home…” and i wait out my college day until i can go home, when i get home i wait out the time until everyone goes to bed, then i wait out the time until my brain shuts off and i have to start it all again. My mind is both constantly running, and never running at the same time, and i’m still trying to work out how that can be. I feel physically exhausted from all the thoughts in my head and the stress ive had put on me these past few days, and at the same time i feel empty and bored and if it makes sense, overwhelmed by the nothingness i have to do. On Thursday, i felt awful. The slightest things that day brought me to tears and there were times i had to pause my music and turn around to make sure my friends were still there. I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes when i’m in these sort of spells, i have to like, know my surroundings. If i’m crying, i need to grab things to like make sure they’re there. I don’t know, makes sense to me. All of that day i felt like there wasn’t enough air, like i was all closed up and hot and trapped, and i wish i knew how to sort myself out. Simultaneously, i made extra sure to care for the people around me, waited with my friend and her daughter at the bus stop, messaged people and talked to them about things that were bothering them, i don’t know, i guess it makes me feel useful to help other people out, like i have a purpose other than the nothing else i’d done. Today, went really well actually, i was excited about something coming up and I’d pulled myself together after the past few days. I was in a really good mood earlier and was talking to people about how much i loved how much my skin looked. I felt good. I liked the way i looked for the first time in a while. And then all of it went, one thing led to another and i ended up crying and crying, almost making myself sick and here i am at almost two in the morning because i am wide awake yet again, waiting to go to sleep. I can’t do it anymore, i lead such an eventful and simulateously uneventful life at the same time and i hate it. I want it to end. My life. But i don’t want to end. I just want this life to end and to start another one. And that isn’t possible. I just don’t know what to do anymore, im tired of being happy to being sad all the time, i want it all to stop, i just want to be a regular person like everyone else. I don’t want to be the sort of person who cries and does all of this shit, i want friends i can rely on and a family i can talk to. i want to be able to do shit and not worry about what others think or how it will affect them. Im just done. Done with all this.

If my mum tells me to get a job once more i swear

Sun, 24 Jun 2018 13:56:24 -0400

If my mum tells me to get a job once more i swear

"I like to tiptoe round the shit going down"

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 19:58:40 -0400

“I like to tiptoe round the shit going down”

- Pack Up, Eliza Doolittle

“Too young”Three years ago, i was obsessed with a boy. I was thirteen, fourteen and...

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 18:54:33 -0400

“Too young”

Three years ago, i was obsessed with a boy. I was thirteen, fourteen and experiencing my first romantic love. I used to talk to him from the minute i got home from school until the minute i went to bed. We used to do things like have our first hug in the corridor and then gush about it to eachother later when we were texting. We used to just stand around at lunch talking to eachother and making jokes and laughing at eachother all the time. We were odd, we sat next to eachother in lessons and laughed about the most unthinkable load of bollocks youd ever heard of. We used to make cringey ass nicknames for eachother and write them on our schoolbooks and our hands and, anything really.

A little while after, i was introduced to my first heartbreak. A ‘highschool sweetheart’ relationship turned quickly into an abusive relationship. Full of confusion, self harm and disappointment, realising that it affects more than just your love life and constant crying.

After that i came across a new love. I like to say, the strongest love I’ve had. He was different. A new set of eyes to fall in love with, a new set of hands to hold, a new scent to get used to, a new taste on his lips and a new mindset for me caused a lot of change. And once that had also run its cause and made its way directly out of my life, i had decided that heartbreak was the worst thing i had ever felt.

To be told that “you don’t know what love is” or “youre too young” by someone is both common, and cruel. My mum has said this to me many times and i have no trouble in shouting back to her that she is wrong. Older people often have kids with their partner, are married, live together and whatnot, but does that change the abstract noun idea of love? Are you ever 'too young’ to feel something? Or do you just feel it in a different way?

I refuse to believe that what i have felt for certain people is any different to what old married couples feel. I think that the idea of 'love’ is always the same thing, whether matured or new, wearing out or going strong. I think 'love’ is a thing. Just like happiness. Are you ever too young to feel happiness? Or too old? The same with sadness. Have you ever been told “you don’t know what sadness is”? I was once told that i was “too young” to be contemplating the idea of suicide and it set me off on one. I ranted and ranted my case to the person until i felt as though i had made my point clear.

I understand the whole legal thing about being too young to have sex. And the moral things about children being too young to share a bed or like, go out after 11pm, that sort of thing. But too young to have a feeling i hope you agree is ridiculous. Babies feel love. Babies love their parents, siblings, other babies. In a different manner, sure. They’re not about to be experiencing heartbreak any time soon or be ready to tie the knot. But do they feel love? Let me tell you something. Ever seen a baby giggle? Are they feeling happiness? Of course not. They’re too young. Ever seen a baby watch their parent walk out of the room? Are they feeling sadness? Of course not! They’re too young!

See, silly isn’t it?

People need to stop having this fake idea that you can’t feel something because of your age. It’s a childish way of telling people that their feelings don’t matter or giving them the idea that they aren’t allowed to feel the way they feel. People need to stop thriving off of the fact that they think they are superior than others because they have 'felt things more deeply’ and instead listen to what people have to say.

Realistic morning routine: wipe away all the grease that has secreted through your forehead and nose...

Sat, 23 Jun 2018 05:38:04 -0400

Realistic morning routine: wipe away all the grease that has secreted through your forehead and nose all night-

iglovequotes: http://iglovequotes.net/

Thu, 21 Jun 2018 13:08:41 -0400

iglovequotes:

http://iglovequotes.net/

"I’ve been told to get you off my mind, but I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind"

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 18:36:40 -0400

“I’ve been told to get you off my mind, but I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind”

- Bruises, Lewis Capaldi

Mmmmm. Fab. Missed doing this you know. Really fucking missed it i did. Why not do it again.

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 17:30:20 -0400

Mmmmm. Fab. Missed doing this you know. Really fucking missed it i did. Why not do it again.

"And I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, I hope you lie to me"

Wed, 20 Jun 2018 15:10:50 -0400

“And I know that you don’t, but if I ask you if you love me, I hope you lie to me”

- Lie To Me, 5 Seconds Of Summer

Am i all ranted out? Lol

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 10:12:39 -0400

Am i all ranted out? Lol

“You can’t do that”First of all, i fucking can. Who are you to tell me what i can...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 10:02:15 -0400

“You can’t do that”

First of all, i fucking can. Who are you to tell me what i can and can’t do. Fuck yourself.

Cutting people offI like to think that I’m quite a nice person. Normally i hate arguing with...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 10:00:13 -0400

Cutting people off

I like to think that I’m quite a nice person. Normally i hate arguing with people and will do anything to keep everyone happy and friends with me. But cutting some people off has got to be one of the best things I’ve done. I’m not going to name who, or go into detail about what they did, but cutting people off who made me feel like shit, treated me like shit and just all round made my life worse, was good for me. Sure, it meant i now have less friends, i may have lost some of the people who were once there for me all the time, but when they start to be downright mean to you, betray you, insult you and god knows what else, theyre no longer your friends. Its hard, its fucking hard to completely cut off people who mean so much to you. I still have people left who deserve to be cut off but i cant bring myself to do it yet, but maybe i will at some point.

Don’t settle for shitty friends

Harsh fucking reality, shame you won’t read thisNo, I will not go out with you. No matter how...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 09:53:57 -0400

Harsh fucking reality, shame you won’t read this

No, I will not go out with you. No matter how many times you tell me you fancy me and make me feel bad for saying no. I’m not going to go out with someone who i don’t fancy in the slightest bit. Try all you want, speak to me all the time, walk me home, invite me places, I’m still going to see you as a friend and there’s nothing you can do to change that, I’m sorry. Be cute, tell me I’m pretty and strong and whatever, if i don’t fancy you, I’m not going to get with you. Especially if i fancy someone else. And you know for a fact i do. I know what its like on the other end of the stick, fancying someone who doesnt like you back, but as hard of a pill it is to swallow, that doesn’t mean I’m going to go out with you because I’ve felt the same thing from someone else. You can tell as many people as you want to get me to go out with you, you can continue to get jealous of anyone i speak to and go all moody when i speak about someone who is male, i don’t care. You said you’d be my friend, and I’m cool with that. Stop trying to get with me then. You can’t just drop feelings, i understad that better than anyone I’m pretty sure, but if its too hard for you to hear me mention another boys name or if its too hard for you to hear for the ten millionth time that i don’t want to be with you, then don’t be my friend. Stop asking me sexual questions. It’s not going to turn me on or make me be like oh yeah im horny im gonna get with you now, tbh i have no idea what you think youre gaining from doing that. It makes me uncomfortable. Stop asking to meet me. I don’t want to see you if i’m with my college friends at lunchtime, or on my lunch break at work. Surprisingly, i want my lunch. I’m your friend, and i don’t mind seeing you and talking to you, but if you’re going to do nothing but tell me how you feel about me again and again and make me feel bad then i don’t want to see you, no. Imagine if every time you saw someone, they confessed their love to you and then cried because you didnt want to hear it? Youd feel uncomfortable, youd feel guilty, youd feel like youd done something wrong. And thats how i feel. Stop apologising for shit you haven’t done. If I’ve just told you someones made me upset and I’m going to stop talking for a while because i don’t want to snap at you, that doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong. Shock horror. If youre gonna keep going ‘im sorry for whatever i said, im such a horrible person:(’ 'im sorry i had to do something, you probably hate me now’, I’m not gonna find it cute that youre apologising, i find it irritating. And i then have to think of a nice ass reply to send you so you wont cry over me. Its a fucker to fancy someone who doesnt like you back, i already said that. I get hurt from not getting the reciprocate feelings from someone i like, but i know my limits. I don’t keep asking him out because i know that will make him feel uncomfortable and its stupid if they’ve already said no. I don’t keep apologising for shit, if he’s in a bad mood then he’ll sort it out, i know that i haven’t done something wrong. You fancying me has given me a proper insight into how annoying i can be for the guy i like, and you’ve for sure shown me the things i never want to do. Fuck off.

College rantsThere’s a girl on my college course who hasn’t submitted SIX assignments....

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 09:34:48 -0400

College rants

There’s a girl on my college course who hasn’t submitted SIX assignments. We are finishing college on Friday, and will be in the second year in september. She is going into second year. Don’t get me wrong, i think she’s great, but when I’m sat here crying and slaving over assignmenta because i can’t do them and I’ve got the teacher on my back telling me they have to be in RIGHT NOW or i will fail, i think it’s unfair that others don’t have to do the same. Mainly just her, everyone else on my course has to do what i do. I don’t understand why she can go without doing loads of work, not doing hours, not going on trips and being rude to teachers when we all would get throttled for doing the same??

There’s another girl on my course who gets special treatment. She is almost twenty, and had a severe illness when she was like six. And fair enough, that’s awful and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I’ve learnt from first hand experience what things like that can do to people. But does it really mean that she can have extra time for assignments, extra special treatment and help when it comes to exams, chances to better her grades when we don’t get them etc?? Cause she does?? It’s unfair.

There’s also a group of ‘popular’ girls in our course, and they’re nice enough, i get along with them. But they spend their time bitching about people, laughing about shit that’s not funny and talking about boys. I love a laugh, ill talk about boys and stuff but i don’t do it constantly, i know when to work. We all have a big group chat, and they all answer questions for each other, but not for us. If i asked a question, they’d all go 'uhhh idk’, but if someone else in their little group asked, they’d tell them straight out. They’re only in it for themselves, and ifs unfair.

“Friends like this are hard to come by”Fuck off. Fuck off with your...

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 09:18:30 -0400

“Friends like this are hard to come by”

Fuck off. Fuck off with your ‘friends’. I’ve been trying and trying to be your friend for years and you keep telling me how great i am but you’re different around everyone else. If you can’t tell other people i am your friend, or have to treat me like shit when we’re around other people because you’re embarassed of me then i feel sorry for you. I can assure you 'friends like that’ are the sort of people who wont stand for all the shit you give people like me, and i can’t wait for you to find that out. Not sorry:))

naif-kh: starts song over because I wasn’t enjoying it hard enough

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 07:29:18 -0400

naif-kh:

*starts song over because I wasn’t enjoying it hard enough*

kittymkatt: barrybensonmpreg: laziest-art: finehoney: finehoney: im so ready to be in a...

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 18:38:07 -0400

kittymkatt:

barrybensonmpreg:

laziest-art:

finehoney:

finehoney:

im so ready to be in a relationship so whenever the universe is ready hmu with a keeper

i posted this yesterday then today this cute boy held my hand and now he is sending me memes

Reblog for love

i reblogged this yesterday and my crush kissed me today

I’ve been dating my boy for 2 years and today he sneezed directly on my face and got a booger on me :’) Love is just so beautiful

conormaynardaf:Jack appreciation post: his wink

Mon, 18 Jun 2018 18:37:35 -0400

conormaynardaf:

Jack appreciation post: his wink

“I didn’t think you’d wanna talk about it incase you got upset”Yes, you can...

Sun, 17 Jun 2018 18:42:33 -0400

“I didn’t think you’d wanna talk about it incase you got upset”

Yes, you can still talk about fathers day. It is fathers day. Nationally. You can still ask me what I’ve done today and i will still listen to all the stuff you did for your dad today. Just because my dad is no longer alive doesnt mean i don’t use father’s day to celebrate my dad the same as you do. Sure i pick out a new bunch of flowers and fill up the big bottle of water to go to the cemetery and talk with him there, but i don’t mind. It is what it is, you don’t have to act like I’m all fragile and sensitive because the word ‘dad’ is used in a sentence or because people talk about what they do for father’s day. I will celebrate when i used to play games with my dad and laugh with him, dance with him and annoy him with a big smile on my face, just like everyone else will today. I still have a dad. I still want to talk about him and stuff, i do not want to avoid the whole thing and pretend he didn’t exist. Thanks for your consideration, but I’m fine. My dad is up in heaven and so what? Heaven gained the best person they could’ve and of course I’m still going to celebrate what an amazing dad he is on father’s day. Happy Fathers day Dad, i hope i make you proud:)

“I’ll drown it out, like i always do”- Ghost Of You, 5 Seconds Of Summer

Sun, 17 Jun 2018 17:54:58 -0400

“I’ll drown it out, like i always do”

- Ghost Of You, 5 Seconds Of Summer